The Next Phase

Baby, toddler, child, teenager, adult, wife, parent, parent to your parents. This is how the phases of most peoples lives go. We grow up, we get older, we get old, then we die. So, this is no big mystery or surprise.

Even though I know what the next phase is, it is no less heartbreaking. All most everyone I have lost in my family has pretty much been one day they were here and the next day they were gone. The shock was like a wet smelly blanket but I have vivid, lively memories of most of them.

When my brother passed away a couple of years ago from cancer, it was the first time of watching someone I loved slipping away. Dwindling out of our reach. I honestly can say, I don't know which one is easier.

I am entering the next phase of my life where I am becoming the parent to my parents. I don't know

how else to say it but it stinks! What stinks is not the commitment of it but the fact that I feel like someone just sat a sand timer in front of me and said here's what you have left. I can see changes from month to month and week to week in behaviors, memory and health.

We have forever left with our parents, right? As I've gotten old I realized that my parents aren't as old as I thought they were. Or I used to think that. I am facing that, yes, they are that old now.

I would not say that I grew up being daddy's little girl. He had 4 girls, so none of us really stood out. I will still argue with my sister Carol that I'm his favorite though (smiling). I didn't grow up with that typically father/daughter relationship. A lot of things factored into that including an addiction. But it was my life. For all the bad times, there were good one too. I have accepted that they did the best with what they had and knew.

I realize now that it has always been in the back of my head that I had a lifetime for those heartbreaks to be mended. Someday we would get around to those park bench talks where I would hear stories from his childhood and we would bond over Sunday lunches together.

Now that the next phase is here I see that those things are not going to happen. My window has closed, or rather it has closed on the view I thought I would have of us by now.

I am accepting that we bond over different things. We compare the newest "As Seen on TV" products and what our internet download and upload speeds are. We bond over college football.

But when I called my dad a couple of months ago when the championship game was coming on to get my few minutes of pre-game chatter and he didn't even realize that there was a game one, I knew we were entering the post game show.

As much as it hurts my heart to remind him to change clothes, reset his passwords, monitor his

medicine, reset his passwords, encourage him to use his cane, reset his passwords, change his sheets, etc......I am getting time with both of them that I probably wouldn't otherwise. Yeah, for different reasons I am the primary caretaker out of all my siblings, but I am also the one getting the one on one with them. When he says "Tam I sure do love you", it's all worth it.

I have learned after all these years that I get my sense of humor from my dad. I've never seen him as a funny person before but he is. Several months back after being called back to the doctors office to discuss test results unexpectedly, I drove him there. It was a kinda quiet ride. We tried to talk but the fear that was weighing on both of us was too much. After not hearing the 'cancer' word from the doctor my dad says "Doc you scared me to death. I thought you were gonna tell me I was pregnant!"

I am making amends with the past at the same time of facing the present. I am slowing getting to ask the questions I want to ask and say the things I want to say. I know my dad has made a lot of mistakes but for me and him.....we're good.

And in seeing that my mom is having some trouble understanding all of this I know that I'm in training to take care of her too not too far from now. But I've been blessed with many years with both of my parents. I understand its rare to still have both of them and for that I am thankful.

So I will keep resetting his passwords and telling (and listening) to the same stories with my mom.

 
For these lemons that have been handed to me, I think I will make a lemon pie and share half of it with my parents.

Until next time~ Safe Picking!

The Power of Pruning!

Tomorrow is the first day of spring, my favorite season! I get so excited when I go out on those cold mornings with Syrus and see the first signs of a little green sprig popping its head through the mulch! I will watch it everyday, measuring it's success, and cheering it on.  

My husband immediately starts to remind me that I cannot run to Home Depot and buy $500 worth of flowers until after the threat of frost has passed. 

It's such an exciting time to me. It is like all the life that has laid dormant through the winter are are having a rebirth! The dead coming back to life!

Since I have fallen in love with gardening I have learned a thing or two. Pruning- it has to be done! I had to let go of that feeling that I was chopping down my little miracle that I had put into the ground and watched grow. Pruning eliminates the old, dead, diseased and negative parts of a shrub. Eventually, my Hydrangeas do thank me when they are in full bloom with the most vibrant colors ever. 

Another term I learned was Deadheading. Who knew this was not what you do the extreme

couponer who pays with pennies in front of you at the grocery store. Simply pinching those

pieces off after they have stopped contributing to the beauty of the flower will make it flourish and multiply. 

Wait for it......the lesson. How would this work if throughout the year we pruned and deadheaded our lives like we do our garden? Is it possible that "pruning back" parts or people from our life could make us flourish like a stunning Marigold?

Yes there would be a period when things might appear slimmer, more drab or unflattering but the payoff when we start to bloom again would be spectacular!

What about the times that it feels like God has done the pruning that we did not ask for? Since God knows all, could we learn to accept these prunings and recognize that HE knows what is best for our lives and has much BIGGER things planned for us? If we have Faith and trust that God is in control and has said "I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly" (John 10:10) and not question why things are not going the way we planned. 

Just like when we ladies exfoliate our face, the idea is to remove the dead, dull and dingy to expose the renewed glowing vibrant skin underneath. 


Think about this.....Could you be honest enough with yourself to admit when maybe what

needs to be pruned back could be something you are doing to yourself? I constantly struggle with the voice that talks to me in a way I would never allow someone else to. I need to prune back that negative voice that tells me I can't do it. I need to deadhead that low self-esteem that tells me I will never measure up.....exfoliate the ugly glasses that I view myself through. 

Removing negative people, including any negative voice they try to leave behind, can also help you to flourish and bloom. 

When we compare an over desolate garden to a beautiful healthy one, the main difference is the amount of care and love that someone gives it. We should be viewing our lives as gardens that need to be tended to everyday. 

However, I do believe a forgotten garden can produce those Lemons that will sneak into our lives and steal our joy!

Love yourself, take care of yourself because you are a child of God!

As a side note.....I love writing this blog and have gotten such fantastic feedback from it. But I suffer from periods of being uninspired. I ask for your prayers of inspiration for me to write on a regular basis. I do feel like this is my talent that God has blessed me with and understand that I need to "tend to this garden" if I want it to grow. 

Until next time-Safe Picking!

Tammy

She looks so different

This is not my story but someone else who has given me permission to share because it is so profound.

A lady I know, who we will refer to as Gabbi, was unhappy in her marriage. For years, conversations that I had with her were peppered with complaints and grumbles about her husband. I got the impression that he was not committing major crimes like infidelity, spousal abuse or hiding a double life. He just did 100 small things a day that drove her crazy.

As we got closer she confided in me that she had never really gotten over her first love. Every time her husband missed the target on what she needed, she compared him to her first love. Apparently this first love affair had never made it past the point of belly flies. They weren't together long enough to have to manage money together or decide who was staying home with the kids and who got to have a night out. So all her memories were of rainbows and roses.

20 years later she was still holding on to this person and was convinced that he was the one that got away. Her days were filled with "what ifs". I could see the anguish on her face. It physically was affecting her. I would try to encourage her either work at repairing what she had with her husband or move on.

A year or so passed without me seeing her or getting to have a conversation more than just pleasantries. When I did see her again she looked fabulous! Like extreme make-over fabulous.
She was different on the outside and inside. After asking our auto-human question of "how are you doing?", she said she was actually doing fantastic. She also volunteered that she and her husband were great and it was like falling in love again.

I just casually replied that her husband must have figured out how to stop making her crazy everyday and we both laughed. Then I seriously questioned what she thought the difference was and she wasn't sure. We went our separate ways for the evening and that was that. It was refreshing to see her so happy.

A few days later Gabbi calls me. Her tone was very serious. She said she could not stop thinking about my question of what the difference had been in their marriage and had her husband finally made the changes she wanted.

I believe this was as much an ah ha moment for her as she told me of the previous year. Gabbi said she was in such an internal turmoil that she finally prayed for God to remove this other person from her marriage. She prayed to have the same belly flies for her husband instead of this past fling.

She made her mind up to commit 100% to her marriage instead of simply the half she had been investing. Gabbi said she came to realize that some of what she was holding on to with this person was more about her life at that time and things she wished she would have done differently.

Gabbi professed "to answer your question, what changed was me. My husband has not changed anything about him. I am the one who changed". She was crying at this point as was I. This was amazing. She said this other person had not even crossed her mind in almost 9 months. This was that moment in life when you realize that your prayer had directly been answered.

I sat there speechless. We've heard about how you can't change other people only yourself. But seeing her change in attitude and her faith in God to restore her marriage brought chills to me.


We can change our attitude about situations and improve them. We will never be able to change someone else, only us. What situation are you in that possibly you making a change instead of the other person could make an improvement?

Until next time- Safe Picking
Tammy

A Devilish Tongue

Words can be one of the most deadliest weapons available. A few words can destroy someones self esteem for life. A few words can plant the seed of doubt and make the most confident person second guess what they know to be true.

The devil can plant these words in the mouths of those all around us, and even those we love and admire. Your closest friend, a family member or even a total stranger can rock your mind if the devil takes over.

I have become a huge fan of Joel Olsteen. I spend much of my time in the car listening to his

broadcast. I love his upbeat and positive teaching of God's word. Like most things in life, when we discover something we love we want to share it with others.

I have told several friends and acquaintances about my secret to changing small things throughout my day that make for a happier life. In sharing, I had one person who questioned if this was the highly criticized pastor that was being ridiculed on the Internet. Another person, after listening a few times, said it was not for them and felt like he was just speaking and not preaching.

It's human nature to want to be accepted. When we love something it is just confirmation of ourselves when other people enjoy those things as well. I found for weeks after hearing these simple comments it changed the way I absorbed his teachings. I started to question what I was listening to. I almost had a feeling like I was being scammed by Joel.

I do want to point out that I ,in no way, think the people behind these comments meant any harm to me. At this point I doubt they would even recall these comments. I believe that was the tongue of the devil that was slipped into a non suspecting soul to derail me from learning more about my most high God.

I was tempted on several occasions to go to the world wide web to find out exactly what Joel was hiding from me. I caught myself being embarrassed for listening to him. You know that feeling when

you are alone and you secretly binge watch episodes of Saved by the Bell? You would be so uncool if someone caught you because that's not what is popular now.

I am not certain of the exact moment that I had an epiphany but I did. It occurred to me that what I was gaining from listening had changed me for the better. I felt closer to God than I had in a long time because of the changes I was making that were inspired by Joel. I was not causing harm to anyone else with my private worship in my car.

So why would I let anything that might be someones opinion on the Internet take that away from me. I knew if I started to look for some dirt I would find some. Lets face it, you can find negative publicity for just about any public figure. Even if there was truth to any of these rumors, I am not in charge of dolling out consequences and punishment.

I made the decision right then that I would continue what I was doing. Those nay sayers  taught me something though. Now I try to identify the source when negativity swarms me and know that the devil is working overtime to put a stop to my time with God.

I also learned that it just as easily could have been me with a devilish tongue that left my audience with a blanket of doubt on them. I know I am not perfect and will lose control of my tongue at some point, but hopefully just being more aware will prevent it from happening too often.

If you are interested in listening to Joel and hearing an inspiring message you can catch him on XM/Sirius channel 128.

If you find that it's not for you, please just change the channel and do not voice your dislike. You never know who is listening around you.

Until nest time- Safe Picking
Tammy

Please feel free to share on your social media pages as you like.

Did your mama not tell you to keep your mouth shut?

Have you ever fallen victim to the power of persuasion when a Sonic commercial comes on suddenly you find yourself craving a double chocolate strawberry milkshake simply because they talked about it.

Ear bugs- those songs that take up residence in your head and take over. Every few minutes the lyrics run through over and over. Grandma got run over by a reindeer.... (you are welcome for that one) over and over.

But what about the things that we say? Joel Olsteen says they we prophesize our future with our words. Laymans term: we get what we say. We need to revert back to the wisdom of our mama's when she would tell us keep our mouths shut!

We all have that person we know that always have the whoa is me story about how their life is going. They are behind on their rent, their car needs new tires, they have medical test they are waiting on the results of. It is emotionally draining to simply hear them talk about it much less live inside their skin.

Joel tells us that when we replay these negative movies over and over in our mind it keeps us in the trenches of despair. When you watch a movie like Rocky, do you notice how you feel inspired afterwards. You have this feeling of being unstoppable.

When we replay these movies of the past in our lives and speak of the downtrodden it will mentally and physically chain you to that and prohibit you from overcoming obstacles and becoming what God has intended for us.

The next time someone asks you how you are doing, only let praises and positive words flow from your mouth. It does not change your situation to complain and pass on your troubles and only makes the recipient never want to ask how you are doing again.


We need to learn that we control our present and our future by speaking what we want. Even if you tell everyone that it is a fantastic day when you are dying inside, you will quickly began to see things shift from the impossible to I'm-possible!

Speak blessings to anyone you come in contact with, even if it is by not dragging them into the mud hole that you choose to live in.

Until next time- Safe Picking!
Tammy

 

Is your Lemon Disabled?

Some people are born with perfect healthy bodies and others are given flawed bodies that are limited in what they can do. I have watched some of these flawed bodies before with that look of sadness for them. Where is the fairness in some being hindered in their life experiences.

When someone in a wheelchair can not hike to Abrams Falls and see the wonder God created it can make you question the decision God made when He molded them.

I heard a story on the radio last week about a little man who was truly a little man. His "disability" was his size. In a world of big strong men this can definitely make things challenging. This man's name was Zacchaeus. Even though Zacchaeus was a wealthy man, money could not buy height nor size. 

Jesus was to be traveling through Jericho and Zacchaeus was just as excited as all the others to see him. As the crowds gathered Zacchaeus was far too short to see over them. So he made the decision to climb a Sycamore tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus. When Jesus saw the man hanging in the tree, He said “Zacchaeus, come down immediately.  I must stay at your house today.”  So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.  

Another man named Mordecai Brown did like most young men and helped to work the family farm in the late 1800's. Then one day a tragic accident left Mordecai with fingers missing from his right hand. For a boy who loved baseball this would be devastating. A later injury that broke fingers on the same hand would surely end any dreams of playing baseball. Jump ahead many years to Mordecai making it become an outfielder on a professional team. His coach noticed that due to his right hand, the balls he threw had a wild spin on them. 

When the pitcher did not show up for a game the coach moved Modecai to pitcher. The balls he threw were almost impossible to get a good solid hit on. He went on to be entered into the Baseball Hall of Fame.  You can read more about Mordecai here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordecai_Brown

In both instances, what appeared to others to be a flawed body and would hinder their quality of life actually facilitated some fantastic moments that most of us "healthy and unflawed" will never experience.

If you have a flaw that you think will keep you from enjoying life to its fullest, maybe you should check out a few more of the stories below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV4H04Rmkrw

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1743213-12-incredible-athletes-with-disabilities

We all carry around Lemons in life. Sometimes we have to choose a different path due to our lemons. But sometimes those paths lead us to places we never dreamed of!

Until next time-Safe Picking
Tammy 

Adjusting to a Kirstie Alley Life

I was not a very socially active child. I wasn't sports minded. I wasn't a girl scout. I cheered for about 2 1/2 days. I twirled long enough to simply have a baton in my possession. Never was my name included in the homecoming court or on the tennis team.

I did not come from a family that nurtured extra curricular activities in their children. And, I was painfully shy. I simply wanted to fade into the background and not be noticed.

After I was married I took on a role of assisting in real estate. I was not licensed so I was simply doing paperwork. But I fell in love.

My creative side kicked in and I loved designing flyers and organizing files. So I decided to get licensed and try my hand at being the front person. I could make a little money and who doesn't love to see other peoples houses?

I had a great mentor, Ray DePue, who taught me so much. This was not like working at all because I loved what I was doing. I began to set goals for what kind of volume I wanted to turn out each year. Making people smile by facilitating their dreams into reality was exhilarating!

My business started to grow, as did the hours I worked. But I has alive! I would get a check off one sale that was a months worth of what I would have made if I had stayed in my home town. I learned to network, take care of my customers, and how to market with the best of them.

I found my niche in new construction and never looked back. I could make a good living wearing jeans and boots and not have to drive a BMW. Every year I would set my goals higher and achieved them every year.

My name was every where. I could go to the store and be stopped by total strangers and asked about that status of the real estate market. People saw my face in newspapers and sales books (little did they know I paid lots of money for  those ads myself). At that point I was probably the most successful person in not only my immediate family but my extended family.

I was on top of the world. I never had to think about money and juggle when bills would be paid. It felt good. I made it on my own. Just good old fashioned hard work. I did not have a family member who handed an entire development to me that jump started my career. I earned every sale that I had based on my own skills.

Then 2008 rolled around. The market had been in a downward spiral for several years and it was getting harder and harder to hang on. The outlandish expenses were still there but the business wasn't.

I was aging and younger agents with award winning smiles and promises of selling ice to an Eskimo were made. For several years my career remained on life support before I decided to pull the plug. Then I think I grieved the lose for several more years.

As I sit here watching True Hollywood Story, I relate to some of these has beens. I understand the humble beginnings and fighting your way to the top. I too had been drunk on the cocktail of "fame" and money. I too had taken that long tumble down has been lane.

I think about those like Kirstie Alley, Sally Struthers and Valerie Bertinelli often. There are still days that I feel like the most I am every going to be again is a Lifetime movie network star, begging for money to save the canines or just known for my struggles with my weight.

I have come to terms with that part of my life being over. I have new goals and appreciate all the friendships that still remain from that part of my life. I know what I can accomplish when I buckle down and focus. I  actually am in a very happy place. I know I am still a star, it's just in my own galaxy now.

So to the current IT girls and those on top, enjoy, appreciate and let it go when the time comes gracefully.

Until next time- Safe Picking
Tammy