Learning from the Disappointment of others



Disappointment is when you step on the scales in the morning expecting that you have lost a pound and instead gained a 1/2 a pound. Disappointment is when that adorable little skirt makes you look like Rebel Wilson once you get it home. Disappointment is when you realize that the check you received in the mail for 1.5 million is not legit.



Occasionally something or someone will disappoint you on a level that is deep in your bones like a disease eating through you.

I experienced that kind of disappointment a while back. Someone that I thought highly of was exposed of some things that shocked me to my core. When you learn something that changes what you believed to be true in an instance, it can make you question everything.

I could not get this out of my mind. For days it was all I thought about. How could I not see their true colors? How was I so far off the scales on my reading of this person and for so long?



Then my sincere self starts to wonder if I am being hypocritical.  Is the anything that I am doing, that if I were to be completely transparent, that would leave others being disappointed in the real me? I don't think there is. Rather, I hope there isn't.


But my heartbreak and over this new found knowledge, made me realize that I NEVER want anyone to feel this kind of disappointment in anything they learned about me.

Even though I, apparently, have been looking at this person with rose colored glasses, I am choosing to learn from this .  I want to live the kind of life that would never make anyone question my motives or true intentions.



If we can learn from others peoples mistakes, or lemons, hopefully we can live a more prosperous life without having to learn the hard way.

Until next time-Safe Picking!

Tammy

What makes the Difference?

Several months ago I came out of a store to get in my car. This old Probe was parked beside me. It is not completely clear from the picture just how bad of shape this car was in. You can see that one of the headlights looks like a lazy eye. There were dents all over it and paint chipping in numerous places. Both windows were down and there actually was an odor coming from inside. Obviously the owner knew there was nothing of value inside to be stolen by leaving the windows down.

I sat there for a minute in my nice, clean, newer car thinking about this car and the story behind the driver. I never saw the them but I was curious about them. On one sunny day in this parking lot, what had been different about my life and theirs that lead us to be driving away in two totally different vehicles?

I wonder if it was a difference in many generations that brought each of us to this place. Was it a difference in our upbringing that that made us aspire for such different things? I don't think so. I grew up in a very volatile household without encouragement. It wasn't that I had parents who taught me the value in going to college to make something of yourself. Taking care of your things or working hard for nice things was never a lesson I was taught.

 

 

So, what makes the difference? If things are as I would just assume for this driver, it probably was not very different than what I experienced. So does that mean that some people are just strong enough to overcome their past while others just repeat it? Is it a matter of work ethic? I don't think that either. There are many blue collar workers who put in many more hours at harder labor that I do everyday. Is it self esteem and not feeling like you deserve better?  I really do not know the answer.

I have thought about this mystery driver many times. I am not certain why they made such an impact on me, but they did. I understand that having a nicer car does not make anyone a better person. I am only speaking about the difference of wanting to take care of yourself and what you have. For all I know, this driver could be the person who someday finds the cure for cancer. But on this one day, what made it acceptable for them to have that life?

I know I do believe that it is possible to break the mold and get past the past. The cycle does not have to repeat itself. Sometimes when no one else does it for us, we have to be our own cheerleader and encourage ourselves to do and be a better person.    

Again, I'm lost on the answer it this. It was just interesting to me. Please feel free to comment. I would love to know other peoples thoughts on this.

Until next time-Safe Picking.

Tammy

Don't they know they aren't suppose to be that happy?

Have you ever seen someone that is either down their luck, have a disability or even very obese and think "man their life must be no fun". I think a lot of us have been guilty of that at some point or another. We all have this perception of what a great life looks like.

A great life is someone who is in excellent shape with ripped abs. They make a boat load of money and never have a days worth of stress about how to pay for something. They have the 2.5 kids, an SUV and the white picket fence and live on Wisteria Lane.

They are completely healthy, and have no physical impairments. Their beautiful children are on the honor roll and soccer champs. Of course we think these people should be smiling and dancing all the time. They have no lemons in their lives, right?

I watched a video from YouTube of this obese man doing a Zumba class in a Speedo and it has inspired me. For the few minutes that video played I was so jealous of the self confidence, or either his "I don't  care what people think" attitude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DMF5jDhmkI

This man, who some might think has a lesser quality of life due to his size, could teach us all a lesson. When you see someone who is just enjoying being alive, no matter their situation, it is uplifting. I think if they can smile like that given obstacles they have why can't I?

Tyler is a friend of mine on Facebook. This young man has more life in his pinkie than most of us do in our whole bodies. I always look forward to his post because I know they will make me smile. I believe his social calendar would probably put my to shame by looking at his photos. He is having way more fun than I am.  I think we could all learn a lesson from this guy about being happy with what we have, be it a lemon or not. Tyler, you are the man! Keep on shining!

We all have different opinions on what makes life great. Sometimes you will come across that person that you may think has nothing to smile about. In fact,  they may be smiling because they think their life is so much better than yours.

Here are a few more just to make you smile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-67Xt5R8DY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBWEzt2U9RQ

Until next time- give the world your best smile and safe picking!

Tammy

Fakebook Fasting



How many times a day do you check your Facebook, Instagram or other social media accounts? Do you wake up in the middle of the night and check it while you're lying awake? How often are you in a room with family or friends and your face is glued to your phone?

I will sit down to glance at it for a few minutes and 45 minutes later I am so side tracked that I am watching videos of blue monkeys in tutus.

A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night, of course reached for my phone, and started to scroll through the newsfeed. I knew there wouldn't be very much new news since I had just caught up a few hours before. After about 20 minutes I put it away and tried to go back to sleep.

I noticed that my heart rate had increased and my mind was racing from one story or another that I had just read. See, I have determined that Facebook is a source of great anxiety for me. I'm being completely transparent when I tell you this. Exposing some very raw details about me.



As I look at all the stories, the bad angel (I'll call him Jones, due to keeping up with the Jones') starts to speak to me in that very degrading voice. I try to ignore him but it's always there. I absolutely love seeing everyone's photos of the snow, Christmas, Mother's Day, vacation and so on. But this voice inside is always asking things like; How does she stay that slim with 4 children, I can't and I've never given birth. How do they afford a home like that with her staying at home? I have to work full time do not have those extras. It must be wonderful to have a family that is still so close and celebrates together. Why can't my family be that close? He is loving the time with his grandchildren when I can't even see mine. Why did God not chose the path for me where I would have given birth to my own child? It goes on and on. So several times a day I am comparing myself to others and I always come up short.



I truly understand the old saying "fake it til you make it". I think that's what most people on these social media sights are doing. You get the perfect posed family photos, pictures all their stuff with a caption of how blessed they are (humble bragging), and a million other things that are only surface photos.



You never see the side of people struggling with drug addiction, depression, infidelity, loss of jobs, sickness etc. It occurred to me that I am comparing myself to people like someone I knew who appeared to have the beautiful life, big house, gorgeous body. But, they had contacted me to find out how to get into their spouses phone because they had caught them cheating less than year into their marriage.



There is so much time that goes into looking like we have a fabulous life instead of just simply living a fabulous life! That's when I decided that I am doing a month long fast from Facebook and other social media. I am going to focus on my fabulous life and making it better than beating myself up for what I don't have and trying to convince everyone else.



Another reason I am concerned about the focus on these things in our lives is I have noticed a dramatic decline in actual human interaction. Why should we meet up with our friends, we can have girls night from our couches now. A close group of friends of mine used to meet for dinner every other Friday night for years. Now if we see each other 3 times a year it's an accomplishment. It seems that we know what is going on through Facebook so there is no need for the real, human, face to face relationship anymore. That's saddens me.

We determine ourselves what is great for us and no one does. I do have a fantastic life and I am not going to let that be sidestepped anymore.

For the next month, instead of 20 minutes here and there on my phone, I plan to use that time to organize a closet, talk to my husband, go for a walk, actually call a friend on the phone. I am removing the apps for these sites from my phone and tablet. I will not receive any notifications or alerts. I still have my accounts I'm just not going to be accessing them.

Those few stolen moments here and there, I plan to use to catch up with what Matthew, Mark John and Luke are up to. Hopefully create the kind of excitement that makes me want to spend a few minutes with God instead of watching yet another video of someone falling (Yes I love those).

I am just using this as an experiment to see what is possible by removing any outside negative forces that I can. I challenge all of you to limit your social media time and see what else you can replace it with for 1 month.

I appreciate all who share my blog and sincerely thank you for it. In the meantime I can be emailed at tomaptam@gmail.com if you need me.

Until next time-Safe Picking! 

A blessing in Life and Death

 I have many "generations friends". I call them that because I have met them through my friends, then meet their friends and before long it's hard to remember where the friendship first started. One of my generation friends is Lisa.

Lisa lost her mom this week unfortunately. Last night I went with another friend of ours to her mom's service. We all have attended many of these over the years. I never know what to say. I really struggle with keeping my wise cracking side under wraps because that's how I make people smile. Not very appropriate at a funeral.

In going into this, I don't expect it to be much different than any other that I have been to. We go through the line, pay our respects, smile that closed "I'm sorry" smile and move on.

When we were seated and time for the service to began, they took the immediate family out. I imagine for a private prayer. Then the entire family enters at the same time from the back. I was overwhelmed at the size of her family. Sue, Lisa's mom, had so many close people that loved her.

Due to a deaf brother, there was a lady who signed the entire service, music and all. This was breathtakingly beautiful! I thought this is going to be different.

When two of Sue's friends started to eulogize her,  I KNEW something was going to change in me. Any of us could write most of what you typically hear at a funeral without even knowing the deceased. But, this was different. To paraphrase, Sue was a very vibrant 80 year old who still had a work ethic most of us lack. She was known for her passion of volunteering. She loved sports and evidently was still very competitive.

Outspoken, she would speak her mind. It was said that she loved those around her so deeply that she thought you deserved to know her opinion.

I sat there absolutely engrossed learning about this woman I had never laid eyes on. I felt heartbroken that I had missed the opportunity I know her in life and was only getting to meet her in her death.

Going into last night, I was having a bad day. One of those "poor pitiful me days". At that moment I decided that I wanted to live the Life of Sue. I want to be the kind of person that is remembered the way so many will her. I want a life focused on God and on others. I want to be known as passionate and caring.

I truly wish I had met her only once. So between the beautiful music, the graceful signing and the ah ha moment, I walked out of there a different person.

Thank you Lisa and your whole family for sharing her with me for just a moment and with the world for her lifetime. Last night was a beautiful night.

What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? I would be honored to have someone say that I led The Life of Sue.

Until next time- safe picking.

A wake-up call before going to sleep

                            
I have written in the past about how cancer can be a blessing, I know that sounds crazy, but I know the way it changed my relationship with my brother and I saw it again this week.

I have a very close friend who's father was diagnosed back in the summer with colon cancer. My friend "Annie", is a very strong and stoic person. She, and her dad, handled this ordinarily earth shattering news, like everything else. They put on their game face and tackled it with the force of  a category 4 hurricane. Many times over the years, Annie has talked about how she got her "stubbornness" from her dad.                                              

When she text me the day before Thanksgiving very early in the morning and said he was bleeding on his brain, was on a ventilator and they would be removing him, I was stunned. Going through those moments with her, I saw such raw emotions. She was a broken person that I didn't know.

Days go by and the funeral passes. When I think she may be ready to talk, I call her. I could tell within the first few minutes of that call that my sweet friend Annie was changed. I saw her most genuine soul and heard love from her voice that I had never experienced from her before.

Annie is the girl who always has it together, the perfect family, 1 boy and 1 girl, white picket fence, yada yada yada. But she was different. I could tell that she would never be the same. Her appreciation and value of life instead of things would be altered forever.

                           

She told me about the service and the preacher who spoke about her dad. I could hear the smile on her face. She admitted that her dad had never been what we southerners call a religious person, but this preacher told about being with her father on their back deck when he asked Jesus into his heart.  I think until that moment, they were not certain about this destiny. What a gift, far more valuable that diamonds or gold, that he gave them by sharing this.

In hearing her tell me about how she had seen a twinkle in her dad's eye in the last few weeks was just heart warming. She said she thought the cancer and chemo was making him a softer person but she now knows it was Jesus filling his heart that brought on this tenderness in her otherwise large, loud and stoic father.

                                               

That's when it hit me again, that cancer had been a blessing. In the time he had left it somehow brought about his salvation and these sweet memories that Annie will carry with her now like a warm fuzzy blanket. Cancer was a wake-up call for him before his earthly body went to sleep, but it also has brought out a tender side to Annie that I do not see going away.

God is in control of everything that happens, even situations involving cancer. Open your heart to His love, open your eyes to see His blessing and know that He is the I AM! 

I love you Annie and pray for peace for your entire family in the coming years of "first" you will go through.

Until next time- Safe Picking
Tammy

I love this poem that was written for my family when my first sister passed away;

I know not what the future holds
It may bring joy or sorrow
But the The One who kept me yesterday
Will hold my hand tomorrow.

Come on big money!

Everyone dreams of hitting the MEGA jackpot and winning the lottery. We have all talked about what we would do if we won. So many dreams would come true for us and those around us. I have even known some who have won the lottery. Even the powerball winner from a few months ago lives in my neighborhood. 

                                                

When I stopped at my local corner gas station last week, I stood in line behind several people, like always, buying their weekly lottery ticket(s). I noticed a man in the corner with several cards spread out and he was scratching away like poison ivy was all over that counter.

As I walked past, and certain this was not the first time I have seen him in there scratching like a DJ, I wondered to myself how much he spends on these tickets hoping to hit the big money every week. It came to mind "why doesn't he just tithe his money and KNOW he will be taken care of instead of gambling his money HOPING he will be taken care of?"

                                                         

First of all, I understand that I know nothing about this person and what they do or don't do. But, if it were the situation that money was only spent on lottery tickets instead of being obedient to what God tells us to do, it seems a little ridiculous to me.

Again, this is my speaking from experience, not arrogance. I have been very disobedient with money many times and for most of my life. I have learned that everything I have came from God. He allows me to have it. HE gives me a little to see how I manage before giving me more.

New Living Translation Matthew 25:29
To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.


That sentence just keeps whirling through my mind. "why don't we just tithe our money and KNOW we will be taken care of instead of gambling our money HOPING we will be taken care of?" That was very profound for me. I am so intrigued by what makes one person different from another. Faith that we are going to be taken care of is a big difference between a lot of people.

                                                     

Don't get me wrong, I have bought about 3 tickets since it became legal in Tennessee. And I would not turn down any gift that a lottery winner wanted to share with me. But I know how I would help others with it. However, I am not willing to risk what little God has entrusted to me on the dream of winning big money.

Also, in my opinion, tithing can be helping in Jesus name many different ways. So for those that are giving me a tongue lashing in your head because you do not believe in giving to the church, there are many ways to help someone.

                                         

Other way that you can help others in Jesus name are;

Second Havest is an amazing charity that fills a very basic human need of nurishment.

https://secondharvestetn.org

If you know a friend who is having some financial struggles, buy some basic nessecities like toilet paper, washing powders, soap, shampoo, etc and leave it on their door step. They do not have to know where it came from. I promise you, the feeling you get from these random acts of kindness will make you feel like having your feel in a warm bowl of pudding.

But most of all, remember that God WILL take care of us. 

Matthew 6:26-27New International Version (NIV)

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

Until next time- Safe Picking

Tammy