God Behind Bars

I have been ask to share this story several times lately so I thought I would share it with you. 

Several years ago my husband and I started to visit new churches to see if we found something that we were a better fit in. About the 3rd one we tried was Faith Promise. This is my story, God's story about my experience. 

At the time the North Knox Faith Promise was in a temporary location at the Expo Building.  It's just a few minutes from our home so let's try. I knew this was one of those new, hip churches so I tried to prepare myself for something very different than where I had been for many years.

We show up in the normal attire that was appropriate for our prior church, suit and tie for hubby, and dress and heels for me. I notice right off the bat that we are way, way over dressed. Jeans, tennis shoes, T-shirts, even shorts we more the norm than what we were wearing. Ok, I'm modern. I can do this. 

Then the music starts. Or rather the rock concert that I felt like I was in. I love my heavy metal, rock music just like any other Southerner, but this is church. But anyway, we're just visiting here. We don't have to ever come back again. 

Then the movie starts. Wait are we on a date night instead of attending Sunday morning service. So I sit with my judgmental arms crossed to watch the featured film.

It's about a prisoner being released after a long sentence and trying to get acclimated back into society. My arms fall. I realize I am holding my breath at this point, and staring at the ceiling fighting of tears. See, my son Evan is serving a very long sentence in prison

I take deep breath as it clip ends and the pastor comes on the screen. Wait, you mean the pastor isn't even here? He's being piped in from some other planet or something, what is it? Then Pastor Chris begins to tell his story of addiction. His story of struggle. His story of redemption. HIS story. 

I'm really struggling to breath now. In my head I am saying "we are only visiting. God doesn't speak to you on the first visit". Oh yes He can, and He does! The more I listen to Pastor Chris, I see for the first time the person, that really deep down, I never believed that my son could become.  Until today. I've heard of 180 stories from addicted to drugs to addicted to Jesus. But I have never really known someone.

I left there with my heart so twisted. This was amazing!  The music, the jeans, the acceptance of all, this is where Evan needs to be. All I could think about was telling him the next time he called about this real life success story. After waiting a few weeks for him to call, I was so excited to tell him about this place that would accept him as he is when he comes home. 

So we never left Faith Promise. It almost felt like preparing a place, a home, for your child. Some time later we learned about Faith Promise's God Behind Bars ministry. What a fantastic ministry to the prisoners. But this was not at his location, but how cool. 

Fast forward a year or so. After some complications and for some security reasons, my son was moved to a different prison. On the first visit at the new location, my husband, my son and I are sitting there in this cafeteria type room. I notice at the front of the room there is a giant FP. My heart stops. I literally stop breathing, again. 

The valleys, stress, heartbreak and turmoil that led up to this move were necessary for God's plan to come together. He is now at the same location where our God Behind Bars ministry is! Praise Jesus!!

You know that moment when it seems like you can physically see God's hand on your shoulder. That was one for me. He was just as excited that he would be able to experience what I had been telling him about for so long. Now each week, I take comfort in knowing he is sharing the same Worship service that I am. God is beginning to mold his heart years before I thought possible all because this blue jean wearin', movie playing, rock-n-roll church loves everybody and so does God!

God Is Good, all the time. Even when we don't understand His plan. 

Until Next time- Safe Picking

Tammy

When Happiness Sneaks Up On You

Dr. Phil has been known to ask his guest if they have ever watched him before, when trying to prepare them for the bluntness that is about to come. If you have been reading my blog for a while you probably realize that I am very honest here and honest about myself and my shortcomings. Today will be no different.

Happiness. For several months now this is something I have been working on. I admit, I have a long way to go on this one still. Not a long way to being happy, but a long way to accepting the happiness and not denying it.

Some of you know my situation and the things I deal with on a daily basis. I am trying to get to a point where fewer and fewer know of this struggle.

About  a year ago I found myself becoming that person who is constantly unloading on whoever was in my presence, whether by choice or circumstance, about what my troubles were. I was consumed by my trials and tribulations so I just knew the entire world was stopping for my problems. Why wouldn't they?

But on many occasions I found find myself laughing out loud (really, not the LOL kind where you say you are but look like a sour puss while typing it) to a comedian on my comedy channel. Or I might slip up and be doing some chair dancing with my tunes on at work.

But then, what I would assume is my sub-conscience, would stop me in my tracks. I could almost hear an audible voice asking how I could be so happy given my situation. I will not go into detail, but 'my situation' is about 3 things I deal with that any single one would bring most folks to their knees.

Back to the voice....it was like a reminder that I had to remain down trodden and absolutely no smiling! Heaven for bid should I smile and someone would think that everything was ok and that I'm not super stress juggler. The dark cloud that I chose to put on everyday was a reminder to people that I had more on my plate than I deserved.

I think part of me also felt like if I gave some insight to my struggle, when/if the day ever came that I was found sobbing on all fours in the parking lot while pulling my hair out I wouldn't have to pause for passersby and explain why I was having a meltdown.

If I let you know my story in advance and you find me face down in the bathroom with my clothes on inside out wearing 2 different shoes there would be an unspoken understanding and you could just step over me and go on.

There is a type of person who just wreaks of despair and sadness. Most people would rather start a conversation with a cockroach crawling on the wall than strike up a conversation with Debbie Downer or Always Mad Mary.

But several months ago I had one of those AH HA moments Oprah talks about and thought "Tam (that's what I call myself), Tam, your outcome will be the same whether you enjoy those moments of happiness or not."

I also remember 2 years ago I was told part of the reason that I was selected for the position I am in now is because I always have a smiling face to anyone I pass in the hallway.

So, if I could brighten someone else's day by simply smiling, and not smiling was not going to solve my problems, why not enjoy these times? Why not do my 1 person line dance in my chair?

So I listen to music, A LOT! It is my cheap therapy. It distracts my mind, transports me to different places and times and makes me happy.

So one goal for 2017 is to stop and cherish those moments when I feel good. Frolic around on the days that I can see the rainbow through the smog and realize life IS pretty darn good and my blessings out number my challenges.

I am still standing. God has held up His end of the bargain to take care of me (maybe not on my terms, but that's another post). I have lived to fight another day. I can honor my end by giving Him the glory and His light sine through me.

So hold your head high and your complaints under your tongue. In the end everyone has stuff and really do not care about yours. And remember, a smile may not change your junk but it just might make someone else forget about theirs for a few moments!

Until next time- Safe Picking!
Tammy aka Tam

Oh, in case you yourself would like to do some chair dancing check out these videos available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Stoloves-Chair-Dancing-Through-Decades/dp/B00062IWNY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1484126950&sr=8-2&keywords=Chair+dancing

Blind is beautiful!

After a very stressful month at work and a dad who has Alzheimer's, I decided to take 2 days off to hopefully recharge my batteries.

For one of the days I scheduled an extended massage. These are my guilty pleasures in life. I don't get them often, but love when I can indulge for an hour at the hands of someone who's job it is to make me feel good.

So my appointment is booked with Mike. I've had a male masseuse before, so no biggie. Usually. But part of my last month's stresses included having a very ugly month. I mean the kind where I feel so ugly that I'm going to make babies cry if I go in public.

So my male masseuse anxiety starts to set in. I'm convinced that while I'm lying there with my eyes closed that Fabio and his magic hands will be looking at every inch of my body trying to keep his egg white tofu omelet down from breakfast.

In anticipation of the “how perfect is your body” test I'm about to take in the name of relaxation, I prepare. I spend extra time applying the “ I'm not wearing any make-up” make-up.

I add bronzer all across my chest since I can't make it to the Caribbean for a true sun kissed look.

I spend far too much time analyzing my underwear. It's a fine line between not looking like a granny and wearing sexy underwear 20 years and 30lbs past when you shouldn't.

I arrive at my spa and I am lead back to the room. Now comes the time for my man goddess to enter. And he does.

HE.  IS.  BLIND…… (I'll leave that there for a moment to soak in)

Blind like with a guidance cane blind. I don't even know what to think. I just laugh hysterically… on the inside.

Sometimes God shows us things in a very subtle way. And sometimes it is laid before us in a way that we would trip over it before missing it.

All of that time and wasted brain cells that I spent worrying, fretting about my imperfections, my freckles, my pale skin and crows feet.

Not only was Mike totally oblivious to my insecurities, and unable to see the things that were such a big deal to me an hour before, he asked if he could add my dad to his prayer list.

He told me about how, after he and his wife were unable to have children, they started fostering children. You could hear the pride in his voice. You could feel the satisfaction he had in his life.

And I, with my great health, sight, all of my limbs, and my own child, thought the only the thing that someone else cared about was my appearance.

It made me wonder, why is it that Mike is the one who is blind but I'm the one who can't see so many things?

I did leave there thanking God for so many of my imperfections and unfairness that had been given to me.

Truly, Mike makes his living by touch. His family sacrifices by driving him an hour to and from work, since he can't.

I would recommend him to anyone looking for a good massage. I believe he said he works almost everyday. Any business helps his family and for his wife to stay home with their foster children.

There are blessings all around us. We just need to pray for the vision to see them, even if they come from the blind.

Until next time~ safe picking

Tammy

The Next Phase

Baby, toddler, child, teenager, adult, wife, parent, parent to your parents. This is how the phases of most peoples lives go. We grow up, we get older, we get old, then we die. So, this is no big mystery or surprise.

Even though I know what the next phase is, it is no less heartbreaking. All most everyone I have lost in my family has pretty much been one day they were here and the next day they were gone. The shock was like a wet smelly blanket but I have vivid, lively memories of most of them.

When my brother passed away a couple of years ago from cancer, it was the first time of watching someone I loved slipping away. Dwindling out of our reach. I honestly can say, I don't know which one is easier.

I am entering the next phase of my life where I am becoming the parent to my parents. I don't know

how else to say it but it stinks! What stinks is not the commitment of it but the fact that I feel like someone just sat a sand timer in front of me and said here's what you have left. I can see changes from month to month and week to week in behaviors, memory and health.

We have forever left with our parents, right? As I've gotten old I realized that my parents aren't as old as I thought they were. Or I used to think that. I am facing that, yes, they are that old now.

I would not say that I grew up being daddy's little girl. He had 4 girls, so none of us really stood out. I will still argue with my sister Carol that I'm his favorite though (smiling). I didn't grow up with that typically father/daughter relationship. A lot of things factored into that including an addiction. But it was my life. For all the bad times, there were good one too. I have accepted that they did the best with what they had and knew.

I realize now that it has always been in the back of my head that I had a lifetime for those heartbreaks to be mended. Someday we would get around to those park bench talks where I would hear stories from his childhood and we would bond over Sunday lunches together.

Now that the next phase is here I see that those things are not going to happen. My window has closed, or rather it has closed on the view I thought I would have of us by now.

I am accepting that we bond over different things. We compare the newest "As Seen on TV" products and what our internet download and upload speeds are. We bond over college football.

But when I called my dad a couple of months ago when the championship game was coming on to get my few minutes of pre-game chatter and he didn't even realize that there was a game one, I knew we were entering the post game show.

As much as it hurts my heart to remind him to change clothes, reset his passwords, monitor his

medicine, reset his passwords, encourage him to use his cane, reset his passwords, change his sheets, etc......I am getting time with both of them that I probably wouldn't otherwise. Yeah, for different reasons I am the primary caretaker out of all my siblings, but I am also the one getting the one on one with them. When he says "Tam I sure do love you", it's all worth it.

I have learned after all these years that I get my sense of humor from my dad. I've never seen him as a funny person before but he is. Several months back after being called back to the doctors office to discuss test results unexpectedly, I drove him there. It was a kinda quiet ride. We tried to talk but the fear that was weighing on both of us was too much. After not hearing the 'cancer' word from the doctor my dad says "Doc you scared me to death. I thought you were gonna tell me I was pregnant!"

I am making amends with the past at the same time of facing the present. I am slowing getting to ask the questions I want to ask and say the things I want to say. I know my dad has made a lot of mistakes but for me and him.....we're good.

And in seeing that my mom is having some trouble understanding all of this I know that I'm in training to take care of her too not too far from now. But I've been blessed with many years with both of my parents. I understand its rare to still have both of them and for that I am thankful.

So I will keep resetting his passwords and telling (and listening) to the same stories with my mom.

 
For these lemons that have been handed to me, I think I will make a lemon pie and share half of it with my parents.

Until next time~ Safe Picking!

The Power of Pruning!

Tomorrow is the first day of spring, my favorite season! I get so excited when I go out on those cold mornings with Syrus and see the first signs of a little green sprig popping its head through the mulch! I will watch it everyday, measuring it's success, and cheering it on.  

My husband immediately starts to remind me that I cannot run to Home Depot and buy $500 worth of flowers until after the threat of frost has passed. 

It's such an exciting time to me. It is like all the life that has laid dormant through the winter are are having a rebirth! The dead coming back to life!

Since I have fallen in love with gardening I have learned a thing or two. Pruning- it has to be done! I had to let go of that feeling that I was chopping down my little miracle that I had put into the ground and watched grow. Pruning eliminates the old, dead, diseased and negative parts of a shrub. Eventually, my Hydrangeas do thank me when they are in full bloom with the most vibrant colors ever. 

Another term I learned was Deadheading. Who knew this was not what you do the extreme

couponer who pays with pennies in front of you at the grocery store. Simply pinching those

pieces off after they have stopped contributing to the beauty of the flower will make it flourish and multiply. 

Wait for it......the lesson. How would this work if throughout the year we pruned and deadheaded our lives like we do our garden? Is it possible that "pruning back" parts or people from our life could make us flourish like a stunning Marigold?

Yes there would be a period when things might appear slimmer, more drab or unflattering but the payoff when we start to bloom again would be spectacular!

What about the times that it feels like God has done the pruning that we did not ask for? Since God knows all, could we learn to accept these prunings and recognize that HE knows what is best for our lives and has much BIGGER things planned for us? If we have Faith and trust that God is in control and has said "I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly" (John 10:10) and not question why things are not going the way we planned. 

Just like when we ladies exfoliate our face, the idea is to remove the dead, dull and dingy to expose the renewed glowing vibrant skin underneath. 


Think about this.....Could you be honest enough with yourself to admit when maybe what

needs to be pruned back could be something you are doing to yourself? I constantly struggle with the voice that talks to me in a way I would never allow someone else to. I need to prune back that negative voice that tells me I can't do it. I need to deadhead that low self-esteem that tells me I will never measure up.....exfoliate the ugly glasses that I view myself through. 

Removing negative people, including any negative voice they try to leave behind, can also help you to flourish and bloom. 

When we compare an over desolate garden to a beautiful healthy one, the main difference is the amount of care and love that someone gives it. We should be viewing our lives as gardens that need to be tended to everyday. 

However, I do believe a forgotten garden can produce those Lemons that will sneak into our lives and steal our joy!

Love yourself, take care of yourself because you are a child of God!

As a side note.....I love writing this blog and have gotten such fantastic feedback from it. But I suffer from periods of being uninspired. I ask for your prayers of inspiration for me to write on a regular basis. I do feel like this is my talent that God has blessed me with and understand that I need to "tend to this garden" if I want it to grow. 

Until next time-Safe Picking!

Tammy

She looks so different

This is not my story but someone else who has given me permission to share because it is so profound.

A lady I know, who we will refer to as Gabbi, was unhappy in her marriage. For years, conversations that I had with her were peppered with complaints and grumbles about her husband. I got the impression that he was not committing major crimes like infidelity, spousal abuse or hiding a double life. He just did 100 small things a day that drove her crazy.

As we got closer she confided in me that she had never really gotten over her first love. Every time her husband missed the target on what she needed, she compared him to her first love. Apparently this first love affair had never made it past the point of belly flies. They weren't together long enough to have to manage money together or decide who was staying home with the kids and who got to have a night out. So all her memories were of rainbows and roses.

20 years later she was still holding on to this person and was convinced that he was the one that got away. Her days were filled with "what ifs". I could see the anguish on her face. It physically was affecting her. I would try to encourage her either work at repairing what she had with her husband or move on.

A year or so passed without me seeing her or getting to have a conversation more than just pleasantries. When I did see her again she looked fabulous! Like extreme make-over fabulous.
She was different on the outside and inside. After asking our auto-human question of "how are you doing?", she said she was actually doing fantastic. She also volunteered that she and her husband were great and it was like falling in love again.

I just casually replied that her husband must have figured out how to stop making her crazy everyday and we both laughed. Then I seriously questioned what she thought the difference was and she wasn't sure. We went our separate ways for the evening and that was that. It was refreshing to see her so happy.

A few days later Gabbi calls me. Her tone was very serious. She said she could not stop thinking about my question of what the difference had been in their marriage and had her husband finally made the changes she wanted.

I believe this was as much an ah ha moment for her as she told me of the previous year. Gabbi said she was in such an internal turmoil that she finally prayed for God to remove this other person from her marriage. She prayed to have the same belly flies for her husband instead of this past fling.

She made her mind up to commit 100% to her marriage instead of simply the half she had been investing. Gabbi said she came to realize that some of what she was holding on to with this person was more about her life at that time and things she wished she would have done differently.

Gabbi professed "to answer your question, what changed was me. My husband has not changed anything about him. I am the one who changed". She was crying at this point as was I. This was amazing. She said this other person had not even crossed her mind in almost 9 months. This was that moment in life when you realize that your prayer had directly been answered.

I sat there speechless. We've heard about how you can't change other people only yourself. But seeing her change in attitude and her faith in God to restore her marriage brought chills to me.


We can change our attitude about situations and improve them. We will never be able to change someone else, only us. What situation are you in that possibly you making a change instead of the other person could make an improvement?

Until next time- Safe Picking
Tammy

A Devilish Tongue

Words can be one of the most deadliest weapons available. A few words can destroy someones self esteem for life. A few words can plant the seed of doubt and make the most confident person second guess what they know to be true.

The devil can plant these words in the mouths of those all around us, and even those we love and admire. Your closest friend, a family member or even a total stranger can rock your mind if the devil takes over.

I have become a huge fan of Joel Olsteen. I spend much of my time in the car listening to his

broadcast. I love his upbeat and positive teaching of God's word. Like most things in life, when we discover something we love we want to share it with others.

I have told several friends and acquaintances about my secret to changing small things throughout my day that make for a happier life. In sharing, I had one person who questioned if this was the highly criticized pastor that was being ridiculed on the Internet. Another person, after listening a few times, said it was not for them and felt like he was just speaking and not preaching.

It's human nature to want to be accepted. When we love something it is just confirmation of ourselves when other people enjoy those things as well. I found for weeks after hearing these simple comments it changed the way I absorbed his teachings. I started to question what I was listening to. I almost had a feeling like I was being scammed by Joel.

I do want to point out that I ,in no way, think the people behind these comments meant any harm to me. At this point I doubt they would even recall these comments. I believe that was the tongue of the devil that was slipped into a non suspecting soul to derail me from learning more about my most high God.

I was tempted on several occasions to go to the world wide web to find out exactly what Joel was hiding from me. I caught myself being embarrassed for listening to him. You know that feeling when

you are alone and you secretly binge watch episodes of Saved by the Bell? You would be so uncool if someone caught you because that's not what is popular now.

I am not certain of the exact moment that I had an epiphany but I did. It occurred to me that what I was gaining from listening had changed me for the better. I felt closer to God than I had in a long time because of the changes I was making that were inspired by Joel. I was not causing harm to anyone else with my private worship in my car.

So why would I let anything that might be someones opinion on the Internet take that away from me. I knew if I started to look for some dirt I would find some. Lets face it, you can find negative publicity for just about any public figure. Even if there was truth to any of these rumors, I am not in charge of dolling out consequences and punishment.

I made the decision right then that I would continue what I was doing. Those nay sayers  taught me something though. Now I try to identify the source when negativity swarms me and know that the devil is working overtime to put a stop to my time with God.

I also learned that it just as easily could have been me with a devilish tongue that left my audience with a blanket of doubt on them. I know I am not perfect and will lose control of my tongue at some point, but hopefully just being more aware will prevent it from happening too often.

If you are interested in listening to Joel and hearing an inspiring message you can catch him on XM/Sirius channel 128.

If you find that it's not for you, please just change the channel and do not voice your dislike. You never know who is listening around you.

Until nest time- Safe Picking
Tammy

Please feel free to share on your social media pages as you like.