She looks so different

This is not my story but someone else who has given me permission to share because it is so profound.

A lady I know, who we will refer to as Gabbi, was unhappy in her marriage. For years, conversations that I had with her were peppered with complaints and grumbles about her husband. I got the impression that he was not committing major crimes like infidelity, spousal abuse or hiding a double life. He just did 100 small things a day that drove her crazy.

As we got closer she confided in me that she had never really gotten over her first love. Every time her husband missed the target on what she needed, she compared him to her first love. Apparently this first love affair had never made it past the point of belly flies. They weren't together long enough to have to manage money together or decide who was staying home with the kids and who got to have a night out. So all her memories were of rainbows and roses.

20 years later she was still holding on to this person and was convinced that he was the one that got away. Her days were filled with "what ifs". I could see the anguish on her face. It physically was affecting her. I would try to encourage her either work at repairing what she had with her husband or move on.

A year or so passed without me seeing her or getting to have a conversation more than just pleasantries. When I did see her again she looked fabulous! Like extreme make-over fabulous.
She was different on the outside and inside. After asking our auto-human question of "how are you doing?", she said she was actually doing fantastic. She also volunteered that she and her husband were great and it was like falling in love again.

I just casually replied that her husband must have figured out how to stop making her crazy everyday and we both laughed. Then I seriously questioned what she thought the difference was and she wasn't sure. We went our separate ways for the evening and that was that. It was refreshing to see her so happy.

A few days later Gabbi calls me. Her tone was very serious. She said she could not stop thinking about my question of what the difference had been in their marriage and had her husband finally made the changes she wanted.

I believe this was as much an ah ha moment for her as she told me of the previous year. Gabbi said she was in such an internal turmoil that she finally prayed for God to remove this other person from her marriage. She prayed to have the same belly flies for her husband instead of this past fling.

She made her mind up to commit 100% to her marriage instead of simply the half she had been investing. Gabbi said she came to realize that some of what she was holding on to with this person was more about her life at that time and things she wished she would have done differently.

Gabbi professed "to answer your question, what changed was me. My husband has not changed anything about him. I am the one who changed". She was crying at this point as was I. This was amazing. She said this other person had not even crossed her mind in almost 9 months. This was that moment in life when you realize that your prayer had directly been answered.

I sat there speechless. We've heard about how you can't change other people only yourself. But seeing her change in attitude and her faith in God to restore her marriage brought chills to me.


We can change our attitude about situations and improve them. We will never be able to change someone else, only us. What situation are you in that possibly you making a change instead of the other person could make an improvement?

Until next time- Safe Picking
Tammy

A Devilish Tongue

Words can be one of the most deadliest weapons available. A few words can destroy someones self esteem for life. A few words can plant the seed of doubt and make the most confident person second guess what they know to be true.

The devil can plant these words in the mouths of those all around us, and even those we love and admire. Your closest friend, a family member or even a total stranger can rock your mind if the devil takes over.

I have become a huge fan of Joel Olsteen. I spend much of my time in the car listening to his

broadcast. I love his upbeat and positive teaching of God's word. Like most things in life, when we discover something we love we want to share it with others.

I have told several friends and acquaintances about my secret to changing small things throughout my day that make for a happier life. In sharing, I had one person who questioned if this was the highly criticized pastor that was being ridiculed on the Internet. Another person, after listening a few times, said it was not for them and felt like he was just speaking and not preaching.

It's human nature to want to be accepted. When we love something it is just confirmation of ourselves when other people enjoy those things as well. I found for weeks after hearing these simple comments it changed the way I absorbed his teachings. I started to question what I was listening to. I almost had a feeling like I was being scammed by Joel.

I do want to point out that I ,in no way, think the people behind these comments meant any harm to me. At this point I doubt they would even recall these comments. I believe that was the tongue of the devil that was slipped into a non suspecting soul to derail me from learning more about my most high God.

I was tempted on several occasions to go to the world wide web to find out exactly what Joel was hiding from me. I caught myself being embarrassed for listening to him. You know that feeling when

you are alone and you secretly binge watch episodes of Saved by the Bell? You would be so uncool if someone caught you because that's not what is popular now.

I am not certain of the exact moment that I had an epiphany but I did. It occurred to me that what I was gaining from listening had changed me for the better. I felt closer to God than I had in a long time because of the changes I was making that were inspired by Joel. I was not causing harm to anyone else with my private worship in my car.

So why would I let anything that might be someones opinion on the Internet take that away from me. I knew if I started to look for some dirt I would find some. Lets face it, you can find negative publicity for just about any public figure. Even if there was truth to any of these rumors, I am not in charge of dolling out consequences and punishment.

I made the decision right then that I would continue what I was doing. Those nay sayers  taught me something though. Now I try to identify the source when negativity swarms me and know that the devil is working overtime to put a stop to my time with God.

I also learned that it just as easily could have been me with a devilish tongue that left my audience with a blanket of doubt on them. I know I am not perfect and will lose control of my tongue at some point, but hopefully just being more aware will prevent it from happening too often.

If you are interested in listening to Joel and hearing an inspiring message you can catch him on XM/Sirius channel 128.

If you find that it's not for you, please just change the channel and do not voice your dislike. You never know who is listening around you.

Until nest time- Safe Picking
Tammy

Please feel free to share on your social media pages as you like.

Did your mama not tell you to keep your mouth shut?

Have you ever fallen victim to the power of persuasion when a Sonic commercial comes on suddenly you find yourself craving a double chocolate strawberry milkshake simply because they talked about it.

Ear bugs- those songs that take up residence in your head and take over. Every few minutes the lyrics run through over and over. Grandma got run over by a reindeer.... (you are welcome for that one) over and over.

But what about the things that we say? Joel Olsteen says they we prophesize our future with our words. Laymans term: we get what we say. We need to revert back to the wisdom of our mama's when she would tell us keep our mouths shut!

We all have that person we know that always have the whoa is me story about how their life is going. They are behind on their rent, their car needs new tires, they have medical test they are waiting on the results of. It is emotionally draining to simply hear them talk about it much less live inside their skin.

Joel tells us that when we replay these negative movies over and over in our mind it keeps us in the trenches of despair. When you watch a movie like Rocky, do you notice how you feel inspired afterwards. You have this feeling of being unstoppable.

When we replay these movies of the past in our lives and speak of the downtrodden it will mentally and physically chain you to that and prohibit you from overcoming obstacles and becoming what God has intended for us.

The next time someone asks you how you are doing, only let praises and positive words flow from your mouth. It does not change your situation to complain and pass on your troubles and only makes the recipient never want to ask how you are doing again.


We need to learn that we control our present and our future by speaking what we want. Even if you tell everyone that it is a fantastic day when you are dying inside, you will quickly began to see things shift from the impossible to I'm-possible!

Speak blessings to anyone you come in contact with, even if it is by not dragging them into the mud hole that you choose to live in.

Until next time- Safe Picking!
Tammy

 

Is your Lemon Disabled?

Some people are born with perfect healthy bodies and others are given flawed bodies that are limited in what they can do. I have watched some of these flawed bodies before with that look of sadness for them. Where is the fairness in some being hindered in their life experiences.

When someone in a wheelchair can not hike to Abrams Falls and see the wonder God created it can make you question the decision God made when He molded them.

I heard a story on the radio last week about a little man who was truly a little man. His "disability" was his size. In a world of big strong men this can definitely make things challenging. This man's name was Zacchaeus. Even though Zacchaeus was a wealthy man, money could not buy height nor size. 

Jesus was to be traveling through Jericho and Zacchaeus was just as excited as all the others to see him. As the crowds gathered Zacchaeus was far too short to see over them. So he made the decision to climb a Sycamore tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus. When Jesus saw the man hanging in the tree, He said “Zacchaeus, come down immediately.  I must stay at your house today.”  So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.  

Another man named Mordecai Brown did like most young men and helped to work the family farm in the late 1800's. Then one day a tragic accident left Mordecai with fingers missing from his right hand. For a boy who loved baseball this would be devastating. A later injury that broke fingers on the same hand would surely end any dreams of playing baseball. Jump ahead many years to Mordecai making it become an outfielder on a professional team. His coach noticed that due to his right hand, the balls he threw had a wild spin on them. 

When the pitcher did not show up for a game the coach moved Modecai to pitcher. The balls he threw were almost impossible to get a good solid hit on. He went on to be entered into the Baseball Hall of Fame.  You can read more about Mordecai here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordecai_Brown

In both instances, what appeared to others to be a flawed body and would hinder their quality of life actually facilitated some fantastic moments that most of us "healthy and unflawed" will never experience.

If you have a flaw that you think will keep you from enjoying life to its fullest, maybe you should check out a few more of the stories below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV4H04Rmkrw

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1743213-12-incredible-athletes-with-disabilities

We all carry around Lemons in life. Sometimes we have to choose a different path due to our lemons. But sometimes those paths lead us to places we never dreamed of!

Until next time-Safe Picking
Tammy 

Adjusting to a Kirstie Alley Life

I was not a very socially active child. I wasn't sports minded. I wasn't a girl scout. I cheered for about 2 1/2 days. I twirled long enough to simply have a baton in my possession. Never was my name included in the homecoming court or on the tennis team.

I did not come from a family that nurtured extra curricular activities in their children. And, I was painfully shy. I simply wanted to fade into the background and not be noticed.

After I was married I took on a role of assisting in real estate. I was not licensed so I was simply doing paperwork. But I fell in love.

My creative side kicked in and I loved designing flyers and organizing files. So I decided to get licensed and try my hand at being the front person. I could make a little money and who doesn't love to see other peoples houses?

I had a great mentor, Ray DePue, who taught me so much. This was not like working at all because I loved what I was doing. I began to set goals for what kind of volume I wanted to turn out each year. Making people smile by facilitating their dreams into reality was exhilarating!

My business started to grow, as did the hours I worked. But I has alive! I would get a check off one sale that was a months worth of what I would have made if I had stayed in my home town. I learned to network, take care of my customers, and how to market with the best of them.

I found my niche in new construction and never looked back. I could make a good living wearing jeans and boots and not have to drive a BMW. Every year I would set my goals higher and achieved them every year.

My name was every where. I could go to the store and be stopped by total strangers and asked about that status of the real estate market. People saw my face in newspapers and sales books (little did they know I paid lots of money for  those ads myself). At that point I was probably the most successful person in not only my immediate family but my extended family.

I was on top of the world. I never had to think about money and juggle when bills would be paid. It felt good. I made it on my own. Just good old fashioned hard work. I did not have a family member who handed an entire development to me that jump started my career. I earned every sale that I had based on my own skills.

Then 2008 rolled around. The market had been in a downward spiral for several years and it was getting harder and harder to hang on. The outlandish expenses were still there but the business wasn't.

I was aging and younger agents with award winning smiles and promises of selling ice to an Eskimo were made. For several years my career remained on life support before I decided to pull the plug. Then I think I grieved the lose for several more years.

As I sit here watching True Hollywood Story, I relate to some of these has beens. I understand the humble beginnings and fighting your way to the top. I too had been drunk on the cocktail of "fame" and money. I too had taken that long tumble down has been lane.

I think about those like Kirstie Alley, Sally Struthers and Valerie Bertinelli often. There are still days that I feel like the most I am every going to be again is a Lifetime movie network star, begging for money to save the canines or just known for my struggles with my weight.

I have come to terms with that part of my life being over. I have new goals and appreciate all the friendships that still remain from that part of my life. I know what I can accomplish when I buckle down and focus. I  actually am in a very happy place. I know I am still a star, it's just in my own galaxy now.

So to the current IT girls and those on top, enjoy, appreciate and let it go when the time comes gracefully.

Until next time- Safe Picking
Tammy

Living an Unscripted Life

In a world of reality television vs. scripted television we all know the difference. So many times with TV shows and movies we know what the next line is going to be. We know what the actor is going to say or how the plot is going to turn. 

I have thought many times about how scripted or predictable people can be, or rather their words can be. When a shooter randomly kills 5 people, the shooter's friends and neighbor "never expected he would would do anything like this. He was always polite and quiet". 

When a crime happens the newscasters always tell us that "the incident is still under investigation" or "is ongoing". 

When we have a love one die, our friends tell us that "we are in their thoughts and prayers" or "they are in a better place". Which by the way, I wonder how many of those people actually stop and truly say a prayer for the others. 

Or when your son goes to prison, you are told that "maybe this is what's best for him". 

When we get a promotion, a new car, new house, or take that elaborate vacation, we "have been blessed to have these things". 

I have always been envious of people who have the perfect condolence, greeting or response to any situation. I find myself reading post comments on Facebook looking for these unique folks. 

Instead of falling into the Stepford wives greeting camp, I am striving to be unique in my personality and my words. I want to be the one who has something truly meaningful to say. Something so that the recipient feels that personal connection with me, not that I just hit the quick reply option on my cellphone. 

God created us all in His image. We were not designed to be the same. So why should we walk, talk and act the same.

I challenge you to love who you are enough that you are going doing and being different than most of the robot population that roams the earth. 

To help you with this I am including some clever and unique responses to some of life's situations. 

Courtesy of wishesquotes.com 

Condolences for a death:

• We are sorry for your loss. (NAME), was such a great person, (HE/SHE) will live on in our memories forever.

• May the memories of (NAME) help you find peace.

• "What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us." -Helen Keller

Happy Birthday! 

•  Happy Birthday! This is the oldest I’ve ever known you, and you look great for your age.

• May your blessings always exceed your age. Enjoy your birthday, and may you have many more to come.
  

• May calm seas and bright sunshine define the rest of your voyage. Happy Birthday and may there be many more to come!

Get Well Wishes

Get well soon, my friend. Your absence makes me sad and I long to see you feeling better. Get well quickly because you are missed by so many. Take good care, take time to heal and know that many are praying for your speedy recovery.

I miss you so much and so does everyone else. We all miss you and wish you a speedy recovery. We especially miss your humor and your kindness. Take care and know that we are eagerly awaiting your return.

I just heard about your illness and I want you to know that I miss you and will be praying for your speedy recovery. Being ill is no fun; that is for sure. So, take time to heal and know how much I and so many others miss you.

So sorry to hear that you’re not feeling well; just heard about your illness last night. I, along with everyone here, send their best wishes and prayers to you. We all wish you a speedy recovery. Follow your doctor’s wishes and before you know it, you’ll be in fine form!

Everyone here is thinking about you while you are in the hospital and recovering from your illness. We want you to know how much we miss you and long for your return. Best wishes we send to you for a quick recovery. God Bless!

Birth of a Child

• Having a new baby changes a wife and husband into a mommy and daddy. As you venture into parenthood together, you will become wiser and more mature, while finding a new profound love for the amazing baby you have produced. Congratulations on the birth of your baby.

• May your new bundle of joy bring happiness into your life and fill a void in your heart. Take pride in loving and raising your little miracle. I know you will be the best dad you can possibly be.

Engagement

I hope you enjoy all of the pleasures that togetherness brings in life. May your life hereafter be filled with happiness and delights. Good luck on the days to come.

Heartfelt congratulations on your marriage. May your bond last forever, and should it ever change, may it change to a firmer and better one.

Wishing you many more days as happy as this one, many more occasions for celebration, and a lifetime of love and laughter.

Blessings to the happy couple! May your commitment deepen, your joy increase, and your love grow stronger from this day forward.

This momentous occasion marks the start of your life together. May the journey be a happy one filled with peace and harmony, joy and laughter, and romance and passion. May your enduring love be the crown jewel that ties together all the rest. Best wishes!

There are literally 1000's of greeting online if you simply take a moment and Google them.

Even when you are in the office and you see someone with a new hairstyle, instead of the typical "your hair looks pretty" try something more unique like "your new hairstyle is really flattering on you".  Instead of just our everyday compliment of "you look pretty today" change it up a bit with "you are absolutely glowing today".

We never know what our words mean to someone so choose them wisely. Your moment of noticing that person may be the only time anyone does. Make it count by making your words count!

Until next time- Safe Picking!

Tammy

 

Death By Elastic

There are things in life that will try to kill you. Cancer, ISIS, black widow spiders, cottonmouth snakes,waist slimmers, running marathons.....wait a minute,waist slimmers? Huh, what are you talking about? Well I am going to tell you a mostly true story about how one tried to kill me last week.

That innocent little G popped up on my phone notification alerting me to that day's Groupon special. Ah, a waist slimmer. Not a tank top and not the slimming shorts, just a little extra support around the middle. Easy enough. So I made my purchase and waited patiently for my miracle belt to arrive.

It made it here on Wednesday, the day before a very important appointment that my husband and I had. Fantastic! I can try it tomorrow.

Thursday comes and I shower and take extra time with my hair and make-up. Remember, it's a big day. So, I give my husband that final 10 minute notice that I will be ready to go.

Then I remember my little something something that is going to change my life. As I'm going into the bathroom I do remember to take a pair of scissors with me to cut the tag off. I'm so smart that I knew I couldn't cut it off the back if it did happen to be a little snug. Bahaha.

I was realistic when ordering this and bought an XL because these things tend to run small. By the way, if you have to order a small or medium, YOU DON"T NEED ONE!

So when I hold it up to my waist it looks more like a thigh slimmer. It barely covers my navel and is a good 2 inches shy on each side.

I tell myself that it stretches and it,s OK.  So I choose to step into it instead of pulling it over my head. Thank goodness for that decision. I can't imagine how the other way would have gone. So, just above my knees I start to see there is going to be problem.

I tried spreading my legs as far apart as I could to stretch it out but it had as much give as what I give to Puppy Haters of America, NONE. I keep pulling and tugging until the top of it is at about my hips. At this point I look like a can of biscuit popping out of the can.

But I push on, I have to walk out of here looking like a super model for my husband this morning. I talk a deep breath, suck in my belly and pull with all my might. And break 2 nails. Ripped them right off. $%*&#  So now I have to either get into or out of this thing AND fix 2 broken nails. I am convinced that this contraption could make mother Theresa say a 4 letter word and flip off a priest.

Is 9 am too early for tequila? But that would we require me to leave this bathroom to get it and there are some things in life that just can't be unseen. This would traumatize my husband for life.

By now I'm sweating and my make up is running. The baby powder is mixing with the sweat and making a nice pasted and/or grout. But I am not giving up! One more pull and it's in place.

Yes, my waist is smaller, but everything that is missing from my mid-section is now a nice roll around my rib cage and 2 rolls around my hips. I'm fighting back tears with everything I have now. Today is suppose to be perfect!


My hair that I spent so much time on now looks like I combed it with a blender and sweat is trickling down between my boobs and rolling down between the cheeks of my butt that are plastered together.

I make the decision to abandon ship and write it off as a lesson learned. BUT, I still had to get out of this. If I pull from the bottom it just stretched down further. So, I started working my way down from the top. Mistake! It began to roll down my belly on its own, When it got to my panties, it rolled them up in it, in turn giving me THE worst wedge I've ever had in my life.


 It's time for my husband to start banging on the door saying we need to leave. I truly told God that if there was ever a time for Him to help me out He would not let my husband come through that door. So, I have this thing equal to a boa constrictor around my waist and creeping into places that no gynecologist has ever gone and I have no idea how to escape.

That's when the see the scissors. Hallelujah!  Yes, I cut my miracle waist slimmer and my panties off of me and saved my own life.

When my heart rate finally slowed to a normal level I decided right then and there that Jesus made me with this body and I would never again torture myself trying to alter it with another "As Seen on TV" product again!

My lemon may be bigger than some others but this is how He designed me and I am trying to be more accepting of it.

I made it out the door and hubby had no clue of what transpired behind that door between me and elastic torture chamber.

Until next time-Safe Picking
Tammy

Learning from the Disappointment of others



Disappointment is when you step on the scales in the morning expecting that you have lost a pound and instead gained a 1/2 a pound. Disappointment is when that adorable little skirt makes you look like Rebel Wilson once you get it home. Disappointment is when you realize that the check you received in the mail for 1.5 million is not legit.



Occasionally something or someone will disappoint you on a level that is deep in your bones like a disease eating through you.

I experienced that kind of disappointment a while back. Someone that I thought highly of was exposed of some things that shocked me to my core. When you learn something that changes what you believed to be true in an instance, it can make you question everything.

I could not get this out of my mind. For days it was all I thought about. How could I not see their true colors? How was I so far off the scales on my reading of this person and for so long?



Then my sincere self starts to wonder if I am being hypocritical.  Is the anything that I am doing, that if I were to be completely transparent, that would leave others being disappointed in the real me? I don't think there is. Rather, I hope there isn't.


But my heartbreak and over this new found knowledge, made me realize that I NEVER want anyone to feel this kind of disappointment in anything they learned about me.

Even though I, apparently, have been looking at this person with rose colored glasses, I am choosing to learn from this .  I want to live the kind of life that would never make anyone question my motives or true intentions.



If we can learn from others peoples mistakes, or lemons, hopefully we can live a more prosperous life without having to learn the hard way.

Until next time-Safe Picking!

Tammy

What makes the Difference?

Several months ago I came out of a store to get in my car. This old Probe was parked beside me. It is not completely clear from the picture just how bad of shape this car was in. You can see that one of the headlights looks like a lazy eye. There were dents all over it and paint chipping in numerous places. Both windows were down and there actually was an odor coming from inside. Obviously the owner knew there was nothing of value inside to be stolen by leaving the windows down.

I sat there for a minute in my nice, clean, newer car thinking about this car and the story behind the driver. I never saw the them but I was curious about them. On one sunny day in this parking lot, what had been different about my life and theirs that lead us to be driving away in two totally different vehicles?

I wonder if it was a difference in many generations that brought each of us to this place. Was it a difference in our upbringing that that made us aspire for such different things? I don't think so. I grew up in a very volatile household without encouragement. It wasn't that I had parents who taught me the value in going to college to make something of yourself. Taking care of your things or working hard for nice things was never a lesson I was taught.

 

 

So, what makes the difference? If things are as I would just assume for this driver, it probably was not very different than what I experienced. So does that mean that some people are just strong enough to overcome their past while others just repeat it? Is it a matter of work ethic? I don't think that either. There are many blue collar workers who put in many more hours at harder labor that I do everyday. Is it self esteem and not feeling like you deserve better?  I really do not know the answer.

I have thought about this mystery driver many times. I am not certain why they made such an impact on me, but they did. I understand that having a nicer car does not make anyone a better person. I am only speaking about the difference of wanting to take care of yourself and what you have. For all I know, this driver could be the person who someday finds the cure for cancer. But on this one day, what made it acceptable for them to have that life?

I know I do believe that it is possible to break the mold and get past the past. The cycle does not have to repeat itself. Sometimes when no one else does it for us, we have to be our own cheerleader and encourage ourselves to do and be a better person.    

Again, I'm lost on the answer it this. It was just interesting to me. Please feel free to comment. I would love to know other peoples thoughts on this.

Until next time-Safe Picking.

Tammy

Don't they know they aren't suppose to be that happy?

Have you ever seen someone that is either down their luck, have a disability or even very obese and think "man their life must be no fun". I think a lot of us have been guilty of that at some point or another. We all have this perception of what a great life looks like.

A great life is someone who is in excellent shape with ripped abs. They make a boat load of money and never have a days worth of stress about how to pay for something. They have the 2.5 kids, an SUV and the white picket fence and live on Wisteria Lane.

They are completely healthy, and have no physical impairments. Their beautiful children are on the honor roll and soccer champs. Of course we think these people should be smiling and dancing all the time. They have no lemons in their lives, right?

I watched a video from YouTube of this obese man doing a Zumba class in a Speedo and it has inspired me. For the few minutes that video played I was so jealous of the self confidence, or either his "I don't  care what people think" attitude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DMF5jDhmkI

This man, who some might think has a lesser quality of life due to his size, could teach us all a lesson. When you see someone who is just enjoying being alive, no matter their situation, it is uplifting. I think if they can smile like that given obstacles they have why can't I?

Tyler is a friend of mine on Facebook. This young man has more life in his pinkie than most of us do in our whole bodies. I always look forward to his post because I know they will make me smile. I believe his social calendar would probably put my to shame by looking at his photos. He is having way more fun than I am.  I think we could all learn a lesson from this guy about being happy with what we have, be it a lemon or not. Tyler, you are the man! Keep on shining!

We all have different opinions on what makes life great. Sometimes you will come across that person that you may think has nothing to smile about. In fact,  they may be smiling because they think their life is so much better than yours.

Here are a few more just to make you smile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-67Xt5R8DY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBWEzt2U9RQ

Until next time- give the world your best smile and safe picking!

Tammy

Fakebook Fasting



How many times a day do you check your Facebook, Instagram or other social media accounts? Do you wake up in the middle of the night and check it while you're lying awake? How often are you in a room with family or friends and your face is glued to your phone?

I will sit down to glance at it for a few minutes and 45 minutes later I am so side tracked that I am watching videos of blue monkeys in tutus.

A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night, of course reached for my phone, and started to scroll through the newsfeed. I knew there wouldn't be very much new news since I had just caught up a few hours before. After about 20 minutes I put it away and tried to go back to sleep.

I noticed that my heart rate had increased and my mind was racing from one story or another that I had just read. See, I have determined that Facebook is a source of great anxiety for me. I'm being completely transparent when I tell you this. Exposing some very raw details about me.



As I look at all the stories, the bad angel (I'll call him Jones, due to keeping up with the Jones') starts to speak to me in that very degrading voice. I try to ignore him but it's always there. I absolutely love seeing everyone's photos of the snow, Christmas, Mother's Day, vacation and so on. But this voice inside is always asking things like; How does she stay that slim with 4 children, I can't and I've never given birth. How do they afford a home like that with her staying at home? I have to work full time do not have those extras. It must be wonderful to have a family that is still so close and celebrates together. Why can't my family be that close? He is loving the time with his grandchildren when I can't even see mine. Why did God not chose the path for me where I would have given birth to my own child? It goes on and on. So several times a day I am comparing myself to others and I always come up short.



I truly understand the old saying "fake it til you make it". I think that's what most people on these social media sights are doing. You get the perfect posed family photos, pictures all their stuff with a caption of how blessed they are (humble bragging), and a million other things that are only surface photos.



You never see the side of people struggling with drug addiction, depression, infidelity, loss of jobs, sickness etc. It occurred to me that I am comparing myself to people like someone I knew who appeared to have the beautiful life, big house, gorgeous body. But, they had contacted me to find out how to get into their spouses phone because they had caught them cheating less than year into their marriage.



There is so much time that goes into looking like we have a fabulous life instead of just simply living a fabulous life! That's when I decided that I am doing a month long fast from Facebook and other social media. I am going to focus on my fabulous life and making it better than beating myself up for what I don't have and trying to convince everyone else.



Another reason I am concerned about the focus on these things in our lives is I have noticed a dramatic decline in actual human interaction. Why should we meet up with our friends, we can have girls night from our couches now. A close group of friends of mine used to meet for dinner every other Friday night for years. Now if we see each other 3 times a year it's an accomplishment. It seems that we know what is going on through Facebook so there is no need for the real, human, face to face relationship anymore. That's saddens me.

We determine ourselves what is great for us and no one does. I do have a fantastic life and I am not going to let that be sidestepped anymore.

For the next month, instead of 20 minutes here and there on my phone, I plan to use that time to organize a closet, talk to my husband, go for a walk, actually call a friend on the phone. I am removing the apps for these sites from my phone and tablet. I will not receive any notifications or alerts. I still have my accounts I'm just not going to be accessing them.

Those few stolen moments here and there, I plan to use to catch up with what Matthew, Mark John and Luke are up to. Hopefully create the kind of excitement that makes me want to spend a few minutes with God instead of watching yet another video of someone falling (Yes I love those).

I am just using this as an experiment to see what is possible by removing any outside negative forces that I can. I challenge all of you to limit your social media time and see what else you can replace it with for 1 month.

I appreciate all who share my blog and sincerely thank you for it. In the meantime I can be emailed at tomaptam@gmail.com if you need me.

Until next time-Safe Picking!