Lemon-in-law

This post was inspired by a very good friend of mine. Actually the title was her idea too.
I think the overall perception is that none of us get along with our in-laws. For my friend, this is exactly the case. Her lemon-in-law, as she calls her, even lives with her. Hence the beginning of "Operation get momma to leave". This just makes me giggle. This covert operation would make the CIA jealous of the skills this woman is using to rid her home of this third wheel.

Check out the mother-in-law song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD0Yav3V2D0

As moms, we are the first woman that our sons fall in love with. I am the mother of a grown son, and it's definitely an adjustment when you are not #1 in your sons life anymore. Someone else is queen bee, and truly that's how its suppose to be.

  My husband's mother past away before we were married. But, I did have a mother in law with my ex husband. To be honest with you, she was an amazing lady. I'm still very close to her. The marriage didn't last, but that friendship did. Love you Janet!

If you are a trying to find a way to have a civilized relationship with this person that, even though she gave birth to your husband but is trying to rule his life now, be patient. Understand that this is a very tight bond that is not easy to let go of. She could also be you insight to why he does some things he does also.

If you are the mother-in-law, for you own safety, let his wife take the lead that he has chosen her to take. If your son had wanted you to always be in control of his life, he would have never left home and you would still be washing his dirty underwear. She is the gateway to any future relationship you might have with him or your grandchildren.

So let's call a truce and mend these fences so we can all say we love our in-laws instead of

thinking of them as lemon-in-laws!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-X7C6vZOvo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKFzmJDPAUc

Until next time- Safe Picking!

Tammy

Molded Lemons

When something gets old, what does it do? It either sets up, wrinkles up or gets moldy. Well with turning 40 I am starting to feel like a molded lemon. I always say I am not old enough to have any of this getting older stuff going on. Boy am I wrong! Everyone of us will be handed this particular lemon at some point Yes, even you young 20 year olds with your freckle-less tight skin. And I promise it is a bitter lemon to swallow.

 

To start with, when did I develop jowls? I am not an English bulldog but my face thinks I am. You know the part on each side of your mouth that droops down interrupting that flawless jaw line you used to have. Boobs. When do boob and belly buttons become neighbors. They used to live 3, 4 blocks from each other. They also become shy and go around looking at the ground. Everything that should be dry is wet, and everything that is wet should be dry, and nothing is firm anymore.

Why is it when I am in heavy traffic I have to turn the radio down to see? Things that 10 years ago I could look at a picture and figure out, now even with reading the directions I still can not comprehend it. I will go for a comfortable pair of shoes over sexy anyway of the week. And is elastic waistband really THAT bad?

  10 years ago I did not make groaning noises just simply bending over to pick up something. Who would have thought that my daily routine would not only be moisturizer but fiber also?

  I dare any woman over the age of 35 to look at your arms and hands and tell me you do not see your mothers. Ladies we will all be handed this lemon someday. All I can suggest is that we find a way to make a facial scrub out of it and hope for the best!

Until next times- safe picking Tammy

you might be a lemon picker....

If you are new to the blog I will reiterate that the purpose is to define what lemons in life were truly handed to you and which ones we choose ourselves. Just like to popular test out there that gives you clues that you might be a redneck, I have come up with some questions of my own to help you determine if you are, indeed, a lemon picker.


Here are just a few things to help you identify if you are bringing some of this on yourself.
If you have been married more than 4 times and you at not Larry King, you might be a lemon picker

If you justify your significant others behavior on a regular basis (he has a lot of stress on him, he usually does not drink this much, it was only once and not near a school OR it calms his nerves when he wears my panties) you might be a lemon picker.

If you have met someone online and believe that within a week that they are your soul mate.....or met anywhere for that matter, you might be a lemon picker.



If you spend every Saturday night at home alone crying because "he promised he would call", you might be a lemon picker.





If you are broke again because that friend promised, that when their underwater basket weaving business was up and running, they would pay you the $5000 back, you might be a lemon picker.
If, once again, you are baby sitting 3 kids under the age of 5 for that friend that does not even have the decency to ask why your eyebrows are singed off when they drop the kids off, you might be a lemon picker.

If your hands are turning blue from carrying your new Coach purse that Lonnie swore was real when you bought it out of the trunk of his car, you might be a lemon picker.

Bottom line is STOP BEING A DOOR MAT! Stand up for yourself and stop making these bad decisions. Here is a little hint.....no one feels sorry for you for things that you bring on yourself.

Again- I speak from experience (not about the panty wearing man though) not arrogance.
Until next time-
Safe picking! Tammy Please share on your Facebook and Twitter account below.

 

A Hot Mess



I'm lucky enough to know Superwoman in the flesh. She is definitely Suzie Sunshine! For the record we will call her Dawn. She is that person that is always smiling. You know the ones that you think there is no way life can be that great for them. Even though Dawn has been handed some pretty big lemons, she just keeps on smiling.

She is the first to send you a Happy Birthday wish and always knows what to say when you are having a bad day. Being around Dawn is like crawling into a giant bowl of chocolate pudding.

I have really gotten to know her. I was floored when she confided in me that when no one was looking that Superwoman cape hits the ground pretty fast. Dawn says she is a mess. And the only time she is even a hot mess is when a hot flash strikes. She says she not the sexy kind of hot mess.

I was flabbergasted! I measure myself by this person. She said she is not simply a mess, but depressed and wished a train would fall on her. How can the lady who lifts so many up, hardly get herself out of bed? How can she save so many people but is not capable of saving herself.

Dawn told me that she has prayed for God to give her the cancer that a young mother is going to get just to end her misery in a dignified way. Her thoughts, when no one is looking are constantly on how she can die.

How can I help this helpless woman? I am not certain that using the words for her, that she does on others, would work. How can I get her to see herself the way others see her?

I guess the point today is we all run into people everyday that are smiling like they just won the lottery and a shirtless Bradley Cooper delivered it. There could be more than meets the eye. Sometimes, those people need your kind words more than the Debbie Downers do.

So, do not take for granted that sometimes even the Suzie Sunshines in our lives need prayers too!

Until Next time- Safe Picking

Tammy
                                                      3.10.2013    

What a difference a day makes

"Only 4 more days til Friday." "Or, only 6 more weeks til we leave for vacation."



How about the statement "if we can just make it a few more months we'll be home free.

These are things we hear all the time. It seems like everyone is in a hurry for time to pass so we can get on to something else. We are just wishing our lives away.

But what a difference a day makes. 24 hours. 1,440 minutes
 86,400 seconds.

While we are wishing for tomorrow to come, there are those who know what a difference a day makes. To my sweet friend that was spending the weekend on a church retreat one day and a mere 24 hours later was trying to understand why she would never see her husband again. To the parents that lost their child to cancer, those 1,440 minutes would be priceless to have back.

What about the young lady who is doing her daily routine, then finds out she is pregnant and life will never be as it was 24 hours before.

Or, even to the wife who got a call that her husband has been cheating on her. Don't you think she wishes she could rewind time and unhear those words. You can not unring a bell.

Or to my brother, who in 24 hours went from being just sick to dying after the pathology report was read.

But, there could be positives also. The young girl who can't stop smiling because, just 24 short hours bfore, had no idea that her boyfriend was picking up the ring that he would get down on one knee and propose and make her dreams come true. 

Everyday is a gift from God. We should always be grateful for whatever today gives us. When you lay down at night, if you can not find anything else to be thankful for, be thankful that you did not receive some tragic news that makes  you wish you could turn the clock back or unhear some words.

Enjoy today for the gift that it is.

Until next time- Safe picking

                                        Tammy 3.6.2013

Again, if you scroll to the bottom you will find the little share buttons (Facebook, Twitter, or email)

Lemons disguised as Bellyflies

I had a friend once tell me that she had bellyflies. As I looked at her wondering if that was something that would take a pill or a suave to cure, she said "you know, butterflies in your belly". The guy she had just met had her all aflutter. We all know that feeling and have had it. It's that feeling of the unknown when you first start to get close to someone. When you start dating someone and when it comes time for that first kiss and your stomach is in knots, but in a good way. You wonder how it's going to feel, are they going to have fresh breath, will they put their hand on the side of your face in that way that makes you melt. Sometimes you get the bellyflies just by them calling and seeing that number pop up on your phone. But these, my friend, all come from not knowing whats going to happen next.

Think about it, do you ever get these with someone you have known for 100 years. No you do not.

No matter how good your marriage is or how strongly rooted it is, you never get those bellyflies again. But bellyflies only last temporarily. It then moves into the next stage which is the warm and fuzzys. This can last forever.

The warm and fuzzys are that feeling of knowing exactly what is going to happen next. When you can finish your spouses' sentences. When you know every step they are going to take when they come home from work. When you can describe their scent in detail and smelling it is like wearing your favorite sweatshirt. These are as exciting as as the bellyflies but these are the glue that hold a marriage together. What some may describe as boring, to the person that just lost their spouse, that is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Now to the point of my lesson today class. I have several people that talk to me, both men and women, about starting to develop feeling for someone else other than their spouse. This is what I explain to them. After years of being with the same person, if someone new comes in and looks at you for just a moment longer than normal, or says that you look really good in that outfit that is 73 yrs old, or seems to think you are just the cat's meow, BEWARE. Before you know it those feelings can get all scrambled and you can start to think the bellyflies are telling you that the grass is greener on the other side. It is so very important to identify that it makes us all feel good to be noticed. We all want to still think we got it. But if you get these two feelings confused, all that you still got can get split right in half at divorce court!

  

If you have those warm and fuzzys with someone now, they are priceless! DO NOT let the lemons that could be disguised as bellyflies threaten that security.

Again thank you so much to those that are reading and following my blog. It would give me bellyflies if you would share my blog on your page and tell everyone you know about it. And, I promise those kind of bellyflies will be harmless to your health.

Until next time- Safe picking!

Tammy

 3.2.2013